Fantasy questions

20 questions to explore with your partner(s) to understand each other’s desires better and deeper

Talking about fantasies can feel exciting, intimidating, or even awkward at first - but it’s one of the most powerful ways to build intimacy and explore new territory in your kinky journey. Whether you’re curious about BDSM, power exchange, roleplay, or simply broadening your erotic imagination, these questions are designed to spark honest conversations, deepen trust, and open the door to new adventures.

You don’t need to answer them all at once. Take your time, choose the ones that resonate, and let curiosity lead the way.

Desire and turn-ons

  1. What kinds of scenarios or power dynamics turn you on most?

  2. Is there a fantasy you’ve always had but never shared with anyone before?

  3. Do you imagine yourself more as a leader, a follower, or shifting between both in your fantasies?

  4. Are there specific kinks (bondage, impact, sensory play, roleplay, etc.) that you’re curious about exploring?

  5. What words, gestures, or types of attention make you feel the most desired?

Power and play

  1. How do you feel about experimenting with dominance and submission?

  2. If you could design your ideal kinky scene, what would it look like?

  3. Do you like the idea of being restrained, tied up, or physically controlled?

  4. Are you drawn to roleplay (professor/student, boss/employee, fantasy characters)? Which ones spark excitement?

  5. How intense do you imagine your ideal BDSM play being - playful and light, or darker and heavier?

Boundaries and comfort

  1. Are there fantasies you enjoy in your imagination but wouldn’t want to act out in real life?

  2. What are your current hard limits - things that are definitely off the table?

  3. How do you want to feel during and after kinky play - cared for, powerful, vulnerable, cherished, other?

  4. What would make you feel safe to share more of your fantasies with me?

  5. If you started to feel uncomfortable during a scene, how would you want me to respond?

Exploration and curiosity

  1. Is there a fantasy from porn, erotica, or film that has stayed with you? Why do you think it sticks?

  2. What kinds of sensations (stingy, thuddy, silky, sharp, hot, cold) are you curious about trying?

  3. Are there group play or polyamory fantasies you’d like to explore or talk through?

  4. What kinds of settings excite you most - private bedroom, public spaces, outdoors, dungeon?

  5. If we could create a secret ritual or ongoing fantasy together, what would it involve?

How to use these questions

  • Set the mood: Light candles, pour drinks, or just cuddle up somewhere comfortable.

  • Go slow: Choose a handful of questions at a time instead of rushing through all 20.

  • Stay curious: Let the conversation flow naturally. Fantasies can be playful, silly, serious, or deeply vulnerable.

  • Respect boundaries: Not every fantasy needs to be acted on. Sometimes sharing alone is powerful.

  • Revisit often: Desires evolve. These questions can be asked again and again, with different answers each time.

Why fantasy conversations matter

Fantasies are the roadmap to desire. Talking about them helps you and your partner(s) discover what excites you, what feels safe, and what could be worth exploring together. In BDSM and kink, fantasies aren’t just wishful thinking - they’re invitations to play, experiment, and connect more deeply than ever.