Scene negotiator

Set the stage for fun: capture desires, limits, safe words, and aftercare wishes before diving into play.

Negotiation is one of the sexiest parts of BDSM and kinky play. It’s where you and your partner(s) share what excites you, what boundaries you want honored, and how you’ll care for each other during and after the scene.

Why negotiation matters

Kink and BDSM aren’t just about what happens in the scene - they’re about trust, respect, and collaboration. By negotiating openly, you create a container where desire can flourish without fear. Boundaries aren’t walls - they’re the edges of the playground where the most exciting discoveries happen.

Your questions and discussion topics

Think of this as your script and safety net rolled into one - a way to make sure everyone feels respected, seen, and ready for filthy fun.

Use this guide before you start a scene. You don’t have to work through every section every time, but having a clear, shared understanding makes play safer, hotter, and more connected.

For some, you might just want to casually text your partner(s) these questions to build anticipation over time. For others, a sit-down conversation might feel right. Decide what works for each of you without also having it kill the mood.

Scene outline

  • What do we want to play with today?

  • What roles or dynamics are we exploring?

  • What’s the mood or theme we’re going for (playful, intense, sensual, silly)?

Desires and turn-ons

  • What are you excited to try in this scene?

  • What kinds of touch, words, or actions would feel amazing?

  • Is there a fantasy you’d love to play out tonight?

Limits and boundaries

  • Hard limits (absolutely not)

  • Soft limits (maybe, with care)

  • Body areas off-limits

  • Clothing rules or requests

Safe words and signals

  • Green = keep going

  • Yellow = slow down, check in

  • Red = stop immediately

  • Do we need a non-verbal signal (hand squeeze, tapping out) in case one of us can’t speak?

Aftercare wishes

  • What do you need right after play? (Cuddles, space, water, quiet, snacks)

  • Do you want verbal reassurance, laughter, or silence?

  • Is there anything specific that will help you transition out of the scene?

  • Would you like a check-in later (message or call)?

Special requests

Is there anything else to consider? Rituals, music, toys, lighting, words to use or avoid, or playful surprises.